Friday, May 20, 2011

I am a graphics junkie.

It's true. I always have been. It is the one shaming trait of my longstanding gamedom that I try to conceal and dispose of. I understand that gameplay is the superior qualifier which separates the classics from the bargain bin, but that doesn't seem to stop me from shelling out the cash for any claim to visual dominance. This has always been limited to the consoles, of which I also rabidly covet, however I tend to restrict my "hardcore gaming" towards them alone.

I can think of two specific instances of my manic lust for console polygonal conquering:

The First was when I found out, through my usual sources, that Half Life 2 was going to be released for XBOX!!!! Notice the lack of a numerical representation of degrees at the end there. Yeah, Original Black Pillow-of-Plastic XBOX.

 I could hardly contain myself considering that I had recently over-clocked my PC to run the damn game only to be subdued by steam-suck (a common ailment in the years 2004-2005) And when I finally got the green sheathed disc to play properly through my box.....IT WAS AWESOME, sort of. The graphics were not the talk of the day, no, it was the gameplay. Valve's deal-at-the-crossroads which allows them only triple-A titles saved my graphical masochism that day.

The Second was just recently. A Certain sequel to a game known for requiring Level 6 Retinal Entry Clearance at Langley just to view the damn load screen. I could only speak of the visually unparalleled Crysis.


And Crysis 2 was coming out for my dinky little PC as a Console. YES! I needn't look any deeper into it, I put that reserve down, son! A few months later and I must say, it does look fantastic on the aged box. With stereoscopic 3D support to boot! The gameplay for the story mode was excellent if a tad repetitive towards the end. The multiplayer, well, is butt. And that takes it so many notches down, for me, that this 9.5 just became a 7.5-8.0. Those pages for people who choose their selections solely from a chronicle in descending numeric pffft. I apologize for all those who don't covet the aforementioned metarankics.

But I digress,

I don't think I will ever quench the lust for high-poly, high-fps, high-anti-aliasing, high hoping NEED to seek that shit out. I will post more examples as I can think of them.

I want to end on a slight tangent:


Was it getting 100% in Liberty City? Was it Unlocking the Recon In Halo 3? Getting Every Achievement in Braid except that one that involves perching on a cloud for several REAL hours?

No, no, no. It was Crysis 2. When I beat the game on Hard? No. Easy? NO!!
It's quite simple. After you start the game and go through its little intro movie you are presented with a little level and suddenly you see a familiar green rectangle pop up on the screen to ask you:

25 Gamerpoints



Thursday, May 5, 2011


Okay, so I am aware that no one reads this blog. That's okay, the writing is therapeutic and gives me something to do with the digits attached to my thumbs (so blistered). I have decided to cover ALL aspects of gaming. I am going to give my thoughts on current trends, rumors, conspiracies and just about anything that comes to my mind that pertains to the geek globe. I will still approach the medium with the eye of a cheap-ass and do my best to encourage the Independents.



for now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Review: Rotor

Available now on Xbox Live Indie Games, Rotor is an interestingly derivative little title [say that five times] developed by Pocket Starship that incorporates several ideas from other games and makes the end result its own. The graphics are strikingly similar to Mirror's Edge tri-chromatic and exit the screen to a desirable pop. What is most fun with them is that YOU can choose the three colors from an Adobe-style palette and thus play the game in colors that make your panties be-tinkled.

The gameplay consists of flying a little helicopter about the cityscape whilst completing challenges such as collecting orbs, guiding through rings, or simply racing about. This is where is gets tricky. The controls, while sound, are difficult to get used to and you may find yourself cursing at the screen when you inevitably miss a checkpoint because you didn't yaw well.

The real problem is hit detection. Like....The Ground. "My copter got stuck" is not something you want to declare while navigating a set of objectives. And that happened to me a number of times. It shouldn't keep you from trying this game (especially at $1), but it is discomforting.

Final it's a little buggy, but definitely worth your NOT earned dollar. At the very least check out the demo.

I give Rotor:

6.5-Why eeez tha choppa stuck in tha gr'ownd?-out of 10


Check out this funky trailer  


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Review: Radian Games

radiangames was formed in March of 2010 by developer Luke Schneider who has since produced seven fantastic, outrageously addictive, Xbox Live Indie Games which are all currently available for a measly 80 MS points. Luke previously worked on high-profile titles such as Red Faction and the Descent series before deciding to ditch the big boys and plonk headfirst into our precious underdog of Independent Gaming

His first effort, JoyJoy, was a huge success due to its simplicity, pick-up-and-play tactics (think Geometry Wars) and generally bright and cheerful presentation. This simplicity, and smooth-as-butter controls, carried through to all seven of his efforts each with a uniqueness and familiarity that makes them all essential downloads.

He followed the success of JoyJoy with Crossfire (no, not the Milton-Bradley board sensation of the early nineties) which is a game that takes inspiration from Space Invaders, with a twist: You can flip your ship to the top of the screen. This simple mechanic adds new life to any past homages and lends itself to some intense action and mind bending tactics. Not to mention two players can flip ships and unleash lasery mayhem together in a continuous barrage of gravity smashing resplendence.

His next effort was Inferno which is another twin-stick shooter but this time featuring RPG-esque upgrades, and maze-like levels to navigate your ship through while hoping to conquer its levels with up to three friends. This was actually the first game in the series I purchased and still find myself returning to its gorgeous level design and simple weapons system.

The fourth in the series, Fluid, is a quirky racing title featuring radiangames' signature graphical style and despite being the least derivative of the seven happens to be my least favorite. It's not necessarily that I have any complaints, it seems to be in the Pac-Man vein which I was never a particularly large fan of with the exception of the recent Championship DX iteration (leave your negative comments below), although I cannot say that it's still not an excellent entry in the series.

The fifth, Fireball, is my personal favorite and features a unique mechanic in which you move your circular avatar about the rectangle while avoiding geometric enemies and trigger bombs by passing near but not through them. This plays out over multiple waves of increasing intensity and is always intense as you maneuver past the ever-multiplying enemies.       

The sixth is a sequel to Crossfire and features new "mega enemies" and finally allows for online score posting. As of this printing I haven't spent much time with it, but the little I did play presented the perfect successor to an already addictive shooter.

Finally, in what Schneider has said to be the seventh and final game in the series, is a return to the Geometry Wars rectangle that goes by the moniker Ballistic. I love this game. It pits you (and a friend if so desired) against an infinite wave of enemies while allowing for nine enhancements to your ship, starting with a meager one of your choosing. Every three waves you are able to alter your set of enhancements which range from a speed boost to projectiles that bounce off the walls and can truly turn the tables on a cornered craft. Being that the waves are infinite the leaderboard  scores are exponentially ascending to unthinkable quantities which I can only dream of toppling. I do dream, though...

Are these the most original pieces of interactive media you will come across? Certainly not. In fact, each game wears its inspirations like a badge of devotion. It's simply that radiangames gets these homages so right. Every game plays perfectly leaving you feeling all gooey with nostalgia while remembering that you don't need a muscle-bound hero, a never-ending cityscape, a shadow or colossus, or anything outside of bright lights and pretty music (which is fantastic and original in each) to have fun. Although adding several zeros to your friends' scores never hurts.

To provide conclusiveness: You can get ALL of these fantastic titles for $7!!
Buy Them ALL...Now!!

I give radiangames:  



Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Review: Gravity Guy

Gravity Guy, Programmed and Designed by Vasco Freitas, hails from the oft underwhelming folks at and is available for free (a la Flash) on their site and for a measly $0.99 on the iTunes marketplace for the iPhone or $1.99 for the HD/iPad versions. I purchased the former after mindlessly typing "gravity" into the app search bar and this little gem happened to appear first.

The game is based around a simple gimmick in which the perpetually hounded protagonist (who I guess is named Guy?) is constantly running due east and has the ability to reverse the polarity of gravity with the simple tap of a finger. This simple tactic of properly tapped shifts of Newtonian befuddlement (to a constantly catchy techno beat) never seems to get old and I never tired of seeing what ridiculous obstacles I would attempt to land. And when I say "attempt", I f***ing mean it! Unless you are gifted with foresight of thirteen crystal skulls aligned you will fail. Many. Many times.

It's this failure, however, that keeps you coming back constantly bringing to mind the games of yesteryear in which "one more try" became one hundred frustrated attempts and after the final victory: A vicious frothing of the mouth at what ridiculousness you would be forced to navigate next. In reality, the game would probably only take ten minutes to complete given its thirty short levels (which do change scenery and always impress) but your inevitable failures will give you several hours of seething enjoyment.

In all...Does it re-invent the wheel? No. We've all played games that base themselves around a simple gimmick placed in a familiar setting. However this is one I would recommend to any one with any of the aforementioned i-Devices.

I give Gravity Guy Eight Einstein-Rosen Bridges out of Ten.


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The First Of Many

Hello Few! I, your humble Unemployed Enthusiast, wish to welcome you to my blog. It stands to be a mere precursor to the site where you will find my rants, reviews, advice and ideas in a far easier to navigate well developed HTML MASTERPIECE! But that won't be for a while, so this is what you get. My DS broke several months ago so portable gaming is going to be restricted to the all but over-rated apps on my I-Pod Touch (1st generation). I am also reviewing and perusing the XBOX Indie Marketplace, XBLA, Wii, PC Indie and any Retro System that can get my grubby little thumbs a-twiddle. My first review shall appear soon. What will it be? On which platform? The boring you. I promise it will be soon. For now,